What is Separation Anxiety?

Separation anxiety is a normal part of development from about eight months of age.

You can help your child with separation anxiety by gently encouraging them to separate from you. This might take practice and encouragement.

If your child’s separation anxiety is severe, long-lasting and interferes with your child’s life, consider seeking professional help.

The term “sleep regression” is used to describe the periods of time when your baby who otherwise slept through the night suddenly begins to have uncharacteristically frequent night waking, and may even have issues napping during the day.

How Long Does a Separation Anxiety Last?

Separation anxiety is children’s common and normal fear of being away from their parents or carers. The behaviour you might see when children are separated from parents is sometimes called separation protest.

Separation anxiety can start at around 8 months and reach its peak in babies aged 14-18 months. It usually goes away gradually throughout early childhood.

Stranger anxiety is similar to separation anxiety. It’s when children get upset around people they don’t know. It can happen from 7-10 months and usually starts to go away after a child’s first birthday.

These anxieties are a normal part of development and are nothing to be concerned about. Children are starting to move around more at this stage, so these anxieties make sense from a survival point of view. That is, if children could crawl or walk away from their carers but weren’t afraid of separation or strangers, they’d get lost more easily.

Helping children with separation anxiety

If your child is suffering from separation anxiety, there are lots of things you can do to help them.

In new places

If you’re leaving your child in a new setting – child care centre, preschool, friend’s house, babysitter – spend time at the new place with your child before the separation. Your child will be less distressed if he’s left in a safe, familiar place with familiar people he trusts.

Let your child take something she loves from home, like a teddy bear, pillow or blanket. These objects will help your child feel safer, and you can gradually phase them out as she feels more settled in the new place.

Tell your child’s child care centre, preschool or school about his separation anxiety, and let them know about anything you’re doing to help your child. This way, other people in your child’s environment can give him consistent support.

Gently encourage your child to separate from you by giving them practice. It’s important to give them positive experiences of separations and reunions. Avoiding separations from your child can make the problem worse.

Tell your child when you’re leaving and when you’ll be back.

This is helpful even with babies. Sneaking out without saying goodbye can make things worse. Your child might feel confused or upset when they realise you’re not around and might be harder to settle the next time you leave them.

Try to settle your child in an enjoyable activity before you leave.

Say goodbye to your child briefly – don’t drag it out.

Keep a relaxed and happy look on your face when you’re leaving. If you seem worried or sad, your child might think the place isn’t safe and can get upset too.

Practise makes Perfect.

If you’re a stay at home parent and constantly with your child, give them some practice away from you. Use grandma, your spouse, a babysitter, anyone you trust and get some time away from your baby so that they can grow comfortable and relaxed, even when you aren’t around.

Want some extra help?

If you’d like some assistance with your little one and separation anxiety, you can book in a free 15min consult. We can offer support by helping with the environment and nutrition, settling tools and techniques to support your little one.